Control is an Illusion
Hello! I hope you’re all doing well.
Before I dive into this newsletter, I just wanted to mention that a renewed focus is coming back to my Patreon page, thanks to the help of my team, because I was struggling to keep up with everything (oops).
I’m doing this because I do not want to be entirely reliant on sponsorships.
New benefits are getting added, including monthly Patron-only live streams and Patron-only zoom calls. This is an experiment to see how things go, and you’re invited to be a part of that experiment.
If you’re interested, you can check it out here:
(thank you so much for your support!)
Rigidity is Dangerous
Here are 4 points I want to share on how the idea of control is a very misleading illusion that we all fall for:
I. The Pursuit of Control Makes You Rigid — As I entered adulthood, I felt an intense pressure to establish myself in the world. I was looking for safety and security. My way of chasing this down was by working and making money.
I never worked more in my life than when I was living in Mexico (2 years ago). It was insane. For six months, I would wake up at the asscrack of dawn and focus entirely on video production and building my YouTube channel. All-day long. I was easily doing 75+ hours a week, every single week.
Towards the end of those 6 months, I was starting to break, but I was in denial. Over the last couple of years, I’ve come to the realization that you can sprint for a while, but it’s insane to think you can fill your entire day with work and think you’re being productive, especially if it’s creative.
II. Rigidity Makes Life Small — At some point in early 2020, I realized I was going to have to move my work in a new direction: away from all the rigid structures and systems that I created for myself. They were weighing on me. It felt like I was in a self-imposed prison.
This made me feel small, believe it or not. I was squashing all of my ability to dream and be spontaneous.
In my battle to get rid of uncertainty in my life, I introduced rigidity, which was removing all excitement and adventure for me. And those things exist when you aren’t fully in control. Control isn’t exciting. It’s safe.
III. Uncertainty Will Never Fully Go Away — I’m done trying to ‘fix’ the problem of feeling uncertainty in my life. It’s not worth it. It makes life bland. And also it never works! We just like fooling ourselves. There is no telling what the future holds.
And as long as I’m fighting against that reality, I’m choosing not to pursue adventure and grow as a person. That’s backwards. I don’t want to live like that.
Ultimately I’ve come to see uncertainty as a positive sign that I’m not stuck playing it too safe.
It’s the (very small) price to pay for a life that makes me feel alive.
IV. “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
– Soren Kierkegaard
Music Recommendations
The perfect music for reflecting on change (this track just came out!)
+ this song makes me want to make a music video.
Bonus
→ A few of my recent videos include a piece exploring my complicated relationship with the United States, another is on the worst year of my life, and a fun one on how the English language doesn’t make sense.
Thanks for reading!
Nathaniel Drew
